It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
