I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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