he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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