when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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