I just pynch a tree in the face
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
