Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
