Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
