i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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