Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
