My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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