well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
