You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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