Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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