Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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