I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
