I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
