dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
