apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
