I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
