If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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