...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
