Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
