Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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