My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
