Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
