That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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