Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
