Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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