guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
