how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
