after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
