It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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