I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
