Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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