Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
