I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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