I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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