walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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