Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
