he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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