You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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