he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
