Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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