I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
