I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
