i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she told me i tasted like america
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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