Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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