I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
