dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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