just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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