tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
