Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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