Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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