I wanna passion pit in your ass
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dear god my vagina.
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