I cannot find my penis.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
