Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
