Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have started to decorate penises.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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