I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
