I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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