just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
