Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
