Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
