took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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