I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
