i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
