a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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