He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
