Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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