I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
