My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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