8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
