4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
